I was not feeling well today and was told to rest for the day. Was actually told to go up to my bed, relax and work on some photos or take a nap. I very mistakenly thought I was given the night off. The mistake was thinking I could actually do this and that life around our home would go on. Well, everyone is alive, so I guess LIFE officially is going on. But at 9 o'clock at night I just discovered that 3 of my children will be doing their homework in the morning, because no one did it this afternoon or evening. No one practiced their music. No one did any reading. No one ate the dinner I prepared and left in the crockpot - I was literally feeding them at 9pm.
Want to feel needed? Take one night off.
Tonight I will just be thankful that I am needed and leave it at that.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Life Goes on, thank God
In tough times, in times when one is feeling down, sad, at a loss, having a big busy family is so helpful in getting through, moving on and staying thankful. Today i am thankful for having To pick up kids from friends' houses, pick up kids from school, do homework, drive to and from practices, make dinner, help with music practice,give baths, and read with the kids. We are very blessed.
Friday, August 26, 2011
This hurts me more than this hurts you...
I recall my mom having this feeling, saying this type of thing to me as a kid. I also recall me thinking she was insane. I am now a parent. I am now officially in her shoes. I am now aware that she was not insane.
I got the call as I was pulling into the parking lot of church for all school mass. "Mom, I forgot my binder with all my homework in it, can you bring it to me." There is one beat, then another...I recall telling him at the end of last year that 7th grade was going to be different. That in 7th grade I would not be bringing him his homework or lunch or class snack up to school anymore. I realize that my kids may have more responsibilities than many others. They are part of a big family and so they may not get the special treatment and extra reminders all the time that their friends get, but this forgetful, unorganized sweet sweet child needs to learn this lesson before high school. He is the biggest culprit in our home. I only have 2 years to train into him what I have let slide for the last 12 years of his life. I have been the enabler. I have been at fault. So, yesterday when I got that call, after those two beats, I said the hardest thing I think I have ever said to one of my children, "I'm sorry honey, I can't, I am on my way in church. And I am sure you recall the discussion we had before this year began about you being responsible for your own items." He begins to plead, "But mom, please, please! All my homework is in there." I fight back tears and say, "honey, I can't. I love you. I know you are concerned with your gpa but this is just 2 assignments and it is the 2nd week of school. I bet it won't be THAT horrible." Silence on the other end of the line. I begin to worry that he is also getting upset. I begin to worry that now I have sent my son into his day with a terrible beginning. What if I have just left him in the hallway tearing up in front of other 7th and 8th graders! We hang up the phone and I head in church. I get a text, "please bring it after church" I return the text, "I'm sorry, I can't. I love you." And in my text I hope he really listens, that he hears me saying I love him and that he hears me saying that I want him to better himself in this way. Mass begins and I think about this the entire mass.
At the homily our pastor often has parishioners help him portray the message. He grabs kids from the pews and they stand in front of the congregation answering questions, looking a little nervous and engaging the crowd. I have Charlie with me and he is crawling under the pew. I vaguely hear someone with the same name as me being called. I hear it a few times more, and the next thing you know the priest is standing a few feet from me pointing at me and nodding as I am pointing to myself asking, "Me???" "Yes, Julie, you and your little son there, bring him up here with me." We make the long walk to the altar after I gather Charlie from underneath the pew. I am quite red, and trying to remember facts about the gospel....sheesh what was it about? who wrote it? Father says, "Julie, you birthed Charlie, he is 3 years old now, are you ready to send him out into the world on his own?" I say no. He asks me why not and I say because he needs me. He depends on me. Father asks me if Charlie has to worry that he may not have food or a place to sleep. Of course I answer that no he does not. Father says that is because Charlie trusts me. I am his mother and I will always take care of him, Charlie is beaming. Father goes on to tell the congregation that we need to be more like Charlie, when we depend on our most important Father, God. We can not expect to make it through life without Him.
Oh the guilt! My poor baby! My poor seventh grader counted on me, depended on me, TRUSTED me to bring him his work! I failed him.
No, not true. And I know that the truth is that I was being exactly what he needed that morning. He needed me to help him learn his own responsibility. He needed me to stop him from becoming an unorganized, messy student. He needed me to get him ready for the years to come. And just as he trusts that his mom will make sure he has a place to sleep at night, his mom will also make sure he is ready for high school even if the answers aren't always what he wants to hear. And just as he can trust these about his mother, he can also trust that his God will always provide him with answers. Not always the answers he wants to hear either, but answers that if he really listens, will help him become an amazing person.
And I am now sure that it hurts Him more than it hurts us when He has to give the tough answers.
I got the call as I was pulling into the parking lot of church for all school mass. "Mom, I forgot my binder with all my homework in it, can you bring it to me." There is one beat, then another...I recall telling him at the end of last year that 7th grade was going to be different. That in 7th grade I would not be bringing him his homework or lunch or class snack up to school anymore. I realize that my kids may have more responsibilities than many others. They are part of a big family and so they may not get the special treatment and extra reminders all the time that their friends get, but this forgetful, unorganized sweet sweet child needs to learn this lesson before high school. He is the biggest culprit in our home. I only have 2 years to train into him what I have let slide for the last 12 years of his life. I have been the enabler. I have been at fault. So, yesterday when I got that call, after those two beats, I said the hardest thing I think I have ever said to one of my children, "I'm sorry honey, I can't, I am on my way in church. And I am sure you recall the discussion we had before this year began about you being responsible for your own items." He begins to plead, "But mom, please, please! All my homework is in there." I fight back tears and say, "honey, I can't. I love you. I know you are concerned with your gpa but this is just 2 assignments and it is the 2nd week of school. I bet it won't be THAT horrible." Silence on the other end of the line. I begin to worry that he is also getting upset. I begin to worry that now I have sent my son into his day with a terrible beginning. What if I have just left him in the hallway tearing up in front of other 7th and 8th graders! We hang up the phone and I head in church. I get a text, "please bring it after church" I return the text, "I'm sorry, I can't. I love you." And in my text I hope he really listens, that he hears me saying I love him and that he hears me saying that I want him to better himself in this way. Mass begins and I think about this the entire mass.
At the homily our pastor often has parishioners help him portray the message. He grabs kids from the pews and they stand in front of the congregation answering questions, looking a little nervous and engaging the crowd. I have Charlie with me and he is crawling under the pew. I vaguely hear someone with the same name as me being called. I hear it a few times more, and the next thing you know the priest is standing a few feet from me pointing at me and nodding as I am pointing to myself asking, "Me???" "Yes, Julie, you and your little son there, bring him up here with me." We make the long walk to the altar after I gather Charlie from underneath the pew. I am quite red, and trying to remember facts about the gospel....sheesh what was it about? who wrote it? Father says, "Julie, you birthed Charlie, he is 3 years old now, are you ready to send him out into the world on his own?" I say no. He asks me why not and I say because he needs me. He depends on me. Father asks me if Charlie has to worry that he may not have food or a place to sleep. Of course I answer that no he does not. Father says that is because Charlie trusts me. I am his mother and I will always take care of him, Charlie is beaming. Father goes on to tell the congregation that we need to be more like Charlie, when we depend on our most important Father, God. We can not expect to make it through life without Him.
Oh the guilt! My poor baby! My poor seventh grader counted on me, depended on me, TRUSTED me to bring him his work! I failed him.
No, not true. And I know that the truth is that I was being exactly what he needed that morning. He needed me to help him learn his own responsibility. He needed me to stop him from becoming an unorganized, messy student. He needed me to get him ready for the years to come. And just as he trusts that his mom will make sure he has a place to sleep at night, his mom will also make sure he is ready for high school even if the answers aren't always what he wants to hear. And just as he can trust these about his mother, he can also trust that his God will always provide him with answers. Not always the answers he wants to hear either, but answers that if he really listens, will help him become an amazing person.
And I am now sure that it hurts Him more than it hurts us when He has to give the tough answers.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Piano school dropout
It is breaking my heart a little bit. Today, Jack officially quit piano lessons. I swore I was not going to ever let him quit. I love that I can play piano and I wanted him to love that he could play piano too. And when I began my Tiger mothering practice regime last year after Christmas break he excelled so quickly. He was proud when he was able to play more difficult songs. We had this thing we could do together. But the guitar has been steadily creeping in for some time now. First it was just some added on guitar lessons from the piano teacher. Then it was real guitar lessons every other week. Now he plays lead guitar in his rock band every week, and soon we will up his guitar lessons to every week. And as the guitar creeped in, I saw the piano creeping out. He began to hate practicing piano and love playing guitar. I suppose in a way the piano helped him realize how much he likes guitar. I argued that he needed the piano background along with the guitar. But I began to worry that soon he would just see music as another chore, and turn against it all together. I really don't want that. And I really do love hearing him sing and play guitar. I am hoping to now watch him excel in guitar far beyond his piano studies. Soon I feel he will be breaking many more hearts as he belts out his love ballads with that guitar on his hip. And since I am his band manager, we still have this thing we do together. I guess I can handle that.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Charlie's Run
I run a lot of mornings. I get back from my runs and Charlie is always interested. He comes to give me a hug and asks about my sweat. He touches my skin to feel how hot it is. Sometimes he says I "gross him out" and other times he says, "i like gross." He cracks me up. So when he asked me yesterday if he could run with me with eyes filled with enthusiasm, I had to say yes. Today I came home from my run to find Charlie dressed in sleeveless t shirt and shorts, and a wristband. He was ready to run.
We start running down the sidewalk. He is at a full sprint - walking pace for me (but of course I am pretending that I can not keep up)- and his arms are swinging wildly. Suddenly he stops short. There is a robin. "I am going to catch that robin." He tears off into the neighbor's yard. He gets surprisingly close. The bird flies up into a tree. He gets a defeated look on his face (Charlie, not the bird) and Charlie says, "Awww, I can't reach it." He fully thinks he can catch a bird. We continue the run and he stops short again. He is very excited at the next neighbor's newspaper lying on the sidewalk. "Hey! There's some mail! It is for their house!" Back to running. Until, "I can't make it" and he begins to slow motion run, and eventually walk and then stop. However, he insists we go all the way to the Farmers Market. This makes no sense, but he is 3 yrs old, so I ask him to explain, I say, "Charlie I thought you were too tired?" "No. I'm not!" and he begins running again. We finally get to the Farmers Market. He wants to purchase some fruit but the Farmer's Market is closed. I say, "honey it is closed and I have no money." He reaches down toward his own shorts trying to get his own money that he says he has, however he is in sport shorts and not only does not have any money, but doesn't even have pockets. Such an imagination this kid has. I end up half carrying him the whole way home until we are 3 houses away. I tell him we must race and that daddy will be watching from the window when we get there - He is up for it. He starts running again, and holds my hand running the rest of the way. Stopping short one more time however because he thinks he may be able to catch the squirrel he saw run under another neighbor's car. Of course when he heads into the house he looks for daddy for his praise. I wink to his dad to get the right reaction. And Charlie is sooooooo proud.
I have a feeling I will be going on two runs most mornings from now on.
Also I don't want to forget:
-Charlie comes up to me numerous times a day asking for a "Huggie."
-Scotty and I saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes. There was a horribly scary preview for Paranormal Activity 3. I was covering my eyes during it and I looked over to find Scotty doing the same thing : )
-Had conversation with Scotty in the car the other day involving liberalism, conservatism, Democrat and Republican, all sorts of things. He converses very maturely. The conversation is getting a little serious and he looks at me and says, "Mom, you don't have to go into ALL the details, I AM only 12."
We start running down the sidewalk. He is at a full sprint - walking pace for me (but of course I am pretending that I can not keep up)- and his arms are swinging wildly. Suddenly he stops short. There is a robin. "I am going to catch that robin." He tears off into the neighbor's yard. He gets surprisingly close. The bird flies up into a tree. He gets a defeated look on his face (Charlie, not the bird) and Charlie says, "Awww, I can't reach it." He fully thinks he can catch a bird. We continue the run and he stops short again. He is very excited at the next neighbor's newspaper lying on the sidewalk. "Hey! There's some mail! It is for their house!" Back to running. Until, "I can't make it" and he begins to slow motion run, and eventually walk and then stop. However, he insists we go all the way to the Farmers Market. This makes no sense, but he is 3 yrs old, so I ask him to explain, I say, "Charlie I thought you were too tired?" "No. I'm not!" and he begins running again. We finally get to the Farmers Market. He wants to purchase some fruit but the Farmer's Market is closed. I say, "honey it is closed and I have no money." He reaches down toward his own shorts trying to get his own money that he says he has, however he is in sport shorts and not only does not have any money, but doesn't even have pockets. Such an imagination this kid has. I end up half carrying him the whole way home until we are 3 houses away. I tell him we must race and that daddy will be watching from the window when we get there - He is up for it. He starts running again, and holds my hand running the rest of the way. Stopping short one more time however because he thinks he may be able to catch the squirrel he saw run under another neighbor's car. Of course when he heads into the house he looks for daddy for his praise. I wink to his dad to get the right reaction. And Charlie is sooooooo proud.
I have a feeling I will be going on two runs most mornings from now on.
Also I don't want to forget:
-Charlie comes up to me numerous times a day asking for a "Huggie."
-Scotty and I saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes. There was a horribly scary preview for Paranormal Activity 3. I was covering my eyes during it and I looked over to find Scotty doing the same thing : )
-Had conversation with Scotty in the car the other day involving liberalism, conservatism, Democrat and Republican, all sorts of things. He converses very maturely. The conversation is getting a little serious and he looks at me and says, "Mom, you don't have to go into ALL the details, I AM only 12."
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Its Coming.....
Early mornings
quick breakfasts
lost shoes
missing socks
unmade beds
sack lunches
"brush your teeth"
"brush your teeth"
"brush your teeth"
forgotten lunches
forgotten homework
teacher conferences
sport practices
tutoring
"do your homework"
"do your homework"
"do your homework"
squeezing in music practice
dinners on the run
crock pot dinners
MIA dinners
MIA diners
quick showers
business baths
early bedtimes
The school year begins. Pray for my sanity.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Proud Moment
What a fun night! I hope it was as fun for the boys as it was for me. The Ghost Monkeys performed their first concert tonight. 63 in the audience! From the moment the drum beat began I started to tear up a bit. I couldn't help but get all emotional as the months of hard work with the rock band paid off in listening enjoyment for all who had sweetly come out for the first show! Just four songs: Closer to Free, Every Rose, I Fought the Law and Hound Dog. Scotty was quite impressive on the piano. He has taken every song and made it his own by doing some improv on each song. He looks like he is having fun on the piano the whole time, but I know from practices that his hands are hurting by the end. It is a lot of work. Jack really impressed me tonight also. Jack drives me a bit CRAZY INSANE at practices because he has a bit of a need to perform continually, be on stage continually and be the center of attention continually. That is why this rock band is perfect for him however. If you are the lead singer of a band, you better like to be on stage! So glad Jack has this outlet to let his creative art flow! I am really looking forward to the band learning some more songs and playing a longer show next time!
Thank you God for the gift of music ability, the parents to help foster it in me, the chance to have time to take this band on with the boys and pass it on, and the 6 boys who are so very passionate about their band : )
Thank you God for the gift of music ability, the parents to help foster it in me, the chance to have time to take this band on with the boys and pass it on, and the 6 boys who are so very passionate about their band : )
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