Love

Very dramatically - "mom, why do you lie?! " i ask what my ten yr old is talking about. He replies that we SAY we love him but he knows that if he were as good of a student as so and so or as great at all sports as so and so that he knows we would love him more. Seriously?! This is the conversation i get to endure, this is the conversation i get to have after emailing his teachers vouching for his hard work lately, after staying up late checking all his homework, after praying, worrying and crying over how to help him succeed, after staying up late transposing his newest band song into the key of "g" so that it is in his range, after picking up his damp socks and underwear from the bathroom floor, after flushing his unflushed waste down the toilet, after making his scrambled eggs this morning, after after after... I nearly answered - "i could not love you more, if i did i would have to stay up all night "loving you" i would have to never sleep to "love you" any more than i already do. Love is not something that we feel. Love is something that we do. A popular country music singer simgs those very words. God doesn't like all of us all that much very often i am quite sure, but He will never stop loving us. I think our job is to act in ways that make God proud to love us. "So son, no i could not love you any more than i do, but you are welcome to work your butt off to make me proud."

Post #365

     I have made it - this is my 365th motherhood post. And it has only taken me one and half years to do a year's worth of posts. My goal was to post daily for one year and so to have 365 posts by day 365. Failed. However, as so many things in motherhood, a failure is sometimes also a success.  I wanted so badly to be able to blog every day, but everyday things began to get in the way: There were nights I could not blog because I fell asleep in bed snuggling with one of the kids. There were nights I missed a blog because we were watching a movie together as a family. And there were many nights that I didn't blog because I was just too darn tired from a stressful, or a physically exhausting day of the tasks of motherhood like grocery shopping, homework helping, bike riding, etc. And in this failure to blog my 365 days in a row, my success is in just what I am blogging about - motherhood. I do not mean success as in "I have it all down, I am the best mom ever" - rather, I mean success in this: I am enjoying being a mother at times, I am struggling in motherhood sometimes, and I am tired from being a mother sometimes, but at all times I am thankful for being a mother.
     Sex makes us pregnant, but God makes us mothers. Prayers to God throughout our days of wiping bottoms, fighting with 10 yr olds, crying over homework, and stressful decision making make us mothers. Last week I felt like I ran the entire stretch of ups and downs and emotional and physical motherhood. I fought with my 10 yr old to the point that we were both crying. I reconciled with that same child to the point where we both were crying. I left in my car frantically looking for my 12 yr old when he was 20 minutes late. I took my 3 and 6 yr olds to the zoo and laughed harder than I have in a very long time as we all watched the hippos mating and pooping right in front of us. I remembered my own childhood as I played Barbies with my daughter. I rejoiced with my son when he brought home 3 A's in one day after many days of struggling in class. No other calling in life can give you so many different and genuine feelings and no other calling can give each of these feeling to you all in the course of a day.
     I thought I would blog so as to remind myself of these funny and touching times of motherhood that I do not want to forget, but I have received a much bigger blessing. When I blog I remember things in my day that I become quite thankful for. When I go through my day with the kids I am inspired to do "blogworthy" activities! When I talk to my blog readers I find that they are going through many of the same things I am, so it is nice to never feel alone. I go back and read old blogs often. I am stricken by how many times I have forgotten about the blog which I am reading. Funny things the kids say slip my mind. Accomplishments get forgotten. Activities we have done and had so much fun doing surprisingly get forgotten  also. Preserving these memories a bit by writing them down, reading them, rereading them, bring me joy and remind me that my children are just that - my children - My memories are their memories, and we can share them forever. As long as I stay present in their lives, we will always have these memories and moments, whether it is over the kitchen table, or over the phone.
     I am not by any means finished blogging. I plan to continue perhaps forever, whenever I have the chance. But in this month of thankfulness, I am extremely thankful for the ability to go through my 365 days of blogging, and read about 365 different memories for which I will be forever thankful.

I don't want to forget:
- Yesterday someone was whistling, and Charlie (3) says, "I can whistle pretty good through my nose, when I sometimes have a big booger in there."
I mean thank GOODNESS I am writing this stuff down! You can't make up stuff this good!

Blog entry 364 - playing hookie

It has been forever since i took this time to type down my thoughts, reflect on what was good or funny or gross about my day. Our life has become quite the big balancing/scheduling act of
Raising active kids. While my calendar looks supremely scary to mothers of one or two, my friends with big families have calendars that look the same. Some color-code their children's activities by child, or by sport, others have huge paper calendars on their wall. I personally live by my ipad and iphone calendar and have to admit i get get a little spark of happiness when i get to delete an activity that has been cancelled. I actually like the activities my children are involved in at this point. I feel we have cut things out that arent our favorites, and have added things that seem to benefit each specific child, but with 5 kids in activities, it ends up being a lot and so i relish the breaks. Recently it seemed we had gone weeks without one of those breaks. No downtime for the family whatsoever, no time to just all hang out together at all. So, when my kids who go to st pete had aday off of school,i took things into my own hands. I called Scotty in sick to middle school, got my husband to take the day off of work , ad planned a day for just our family to be together. We walked down to the train station and took the train to Washington, MO. On the train we played cards with the kids, let them pick snacks from the vendor and just chilled out. No video games aloud, so we looked out the train windows and looked at each other! In washington we walked to a diner a couple blocks from the train station and had brunch together. When i looked down the table at laughing, giddy kids, instead of stressed, crabby children, i knew we had done the right thing with our day. After a walk around town, skipping rocks in the river, and walking back to the station, we enjoyed another train trip home playing games and just being together, all in one spot, for 40 more minutes. Not wanting the fun family dayto end, we all went to a movie and then came home to bbq burgers. I was feeling wonderful about our day. But the best part was that although i planned this because i personally felt i needed this day, my kids obviously did too, because each one of them during the day proclaimed to me, "Mom, this is the best day ever! Or Mom, this is the best day of my whole life!" and so, i am searching my funfilled, activity crazed calendar for more days that we can all play hookie.

Some stuff i dont want to forget:
Today at a Restaurant my son blew his nose on a sock from out of my purse. I should really start being more prepared. Why can i always find a sock , but not a kleenex?

Ghost monkeys had a real gig, did awesome, made $42 in tips and got pizza with it.

3 miles with E: i run and she bikes. This is our new exercise we try to do together at least once a week.
-"watch out for that crack mama!"
- "watch out for this tree mama!"

The halloween and thanksgiving inflatables in front of our home. We now have 5 Halloween, 2 for thanksgivin and 2 for christmas i think. Sometimes looking at my home all covered with inflatables all over the front lawn durig the Holidays i begin to reminisce about the days of white lights and real greenery...but then i rememeber that every su gle morning from october through january my youngest kiddo standa staring oit the front windows yelling, "mom! Mom! Look at this! You have to see this!" it is as exciting to him the 30th day they are up as it is the first day! I cant ever take away that joy!

Charlie always has a pocket full of something interesting. Recently he has pulled out:
- a bunch of acprns
- a bunch of nuts (not from a tree, fro
A toolbox)
- a bunch of change
- a bunch of golf tees and a golfball

Me: How did i get the cutest boy ever?
Charlie: Mommy, God made us. 
Me: Thats right.  He did. 
Charlie: Who makes my underwear?
Me: Well, God made a person and the person made your underwear. 
Charlie: No, God made it. 
Me: Well, God made a person who knows how to sew and they sewed your underwear. 
Charlie: Oh! So grandma made it!

Charlie loves our babysitter, Miss Debbie. As we are driving down the road yesterday here us our conversation:
Charlie: Is that Miss Debbie's house?
Me: No. 
Charlie: Is THAT Miss Debbie's house?
Me: No, Miss Debbie does not live in our neighborhood. She lives sort of far away. 
Charlie: OHhhhhh.  Is THAT Miss Debbie's house? 
(conversation continued this way until we arrived at our destination - I think we are going to have to drive out to Miss Debbie's house very soon) 

$1 Rats

Wow, who knew that my quick last minute grab in the checkout line at target of a pack of $1 stretchy mice (8 for a $1) would be such a creativity boosting tool! And inspire such fun and joy! I grab this pack of stretchy mice and throw them on my desk when I get home from the store. One kid sees them, "Hey! What are these?!" "oh, those are just some stretchy mice I grabbed at the store. I thought they looked fun." "CAN WE OPEN THEM?!" "Sure." And the fun begins! Soon I am excitedly called into the basement by Ben and Charlie to "see what we made!!!" to find an elaborate mouse home made of blocks and other toys, complete with a mouse gaming area, cars for the mice to drive, a garage, a slide etc. I get a whole explanation of everything I am looking at and they vow to stay downstairs and continue to add-on and expand their mouse mansion. Later I am upstairs and I find the mice lurking around my various Halloween decorations, deliberately placed in creepy spots. In the car I hear hysterical laughter and turn around to find Charlie having a hay day with one of the stretchy mice while sitting in his carseat. He figured out he could get a mouse to stick to his face. Brilliant. Oh how we love the $1 rats! So glad I saw them! Perhaps I should return the $25 toys I have purchased for Christmas. I am sure they make $1 stretchy reindeer....

Where did this go wrong?

I have 5 sleeping kids. One of them has school, the rest are off school. My husband has left for the day already. The 12 yr old who has school rides his bike to school every day. The weather is beautiful. This morning he has to be at school a half hour earlier than usual. I wake him a little earlier than usual. I expect the morning to go smoothly, as he will ride his bike and the other kids can just sleep in. He wakes up seriously crabby,
"I can't ride my bike to school, it's so early!" (it is no longer dark outside, I wouldn't have him ride in the dark)
"No, dear, it is fine, you can ride. Everyone else is still asleep."
After sulking in his bed for 10 minutes he says,
"Well I need to shower and then I will be late!"
"If you had gotten up 10 minutes ago, you would be finished showering by now. Not my problem."
And he leaves the house texting me on the way that he is stopping at Einsteins for breakfast and that he will NOT be calling me when he gets to school. (something I insist he does every day when he rides his bike)
I text back that is fine but he will lose his phone and all independent privileges.
Oh, the teenage years have begun. Trying to figure out where I went so wrong this morning. My sweet boy is getting an attitude and I really do not like it :(

Magnet Man

Charlie, my three year old, has taken on the identity of Magnet Man. He sticks to people. He created this character and his name all on his own. He created it after having a weekend where mom was quite busy babysitting a 2 yr old. The 2 yr old got a new brother who had to be in the hospital through the weekend, and will be through this week also. So we had an extra kiddo for the weekend. She looks a bit like us, and fit right in with the group. But she is 2. 2 is a pretty needy age, especially when they aren't your own child and you aren't sure what they can of or not do, and especially when they are away from their parents for a few days, and so I had to give her a lot of attention. Charlie was somewhat ok with the situation, however I began to notice his little fight for my attention begin to surface. And by today, he has created his own super hero character, Magnet Man, so he can attach himself to me at any time he likes.  He is a smart little cookie.  I wonder how many times Magnet Man will surface as I babysit a few more times this week.

Also I don't want to forget:

Charlie said: "Mom, come look, I just pooped a huge, gomungous pooper!!!! It's like dad's!!!"

I said: "Charlie, How did I get the cutest boy in the world? Where did you come from?"
Charlie said: "God. Cuz God made us."

I can explain that...

We are practically on our way out the door for school this morning when my 6 yr old, Ben, shows me a calendar he brought home from school. It shows that he is star of the week this week. It is monday morning at 7:45 and school begins at 8:10. We drive carpool. And so it begins. We quickly fill out the binder that is also in his backpack (I really need to start checking the backpacks on friday afternoons, or better yet perhaps the teachers could stop sending ANYTHING home on friday afternoons. Have they not realized that by friday afternoons the moms are DONE? That backpack is going to sit there on the mudroom floor until, oh, say 7:45 on monday morning) The binder has a 2 page questionnaire about Ben. "Whats your favorite color? Whats your favorite food? What's your favorite hobby? ("Mom, whats a hobby?" "NO TIME! NO TIME! JUST TELL ME SOMETHING YOU LIKE TO DO!", PLAY? GREAT! PLAY, YES THAT IS SOMETHING...) We get the binder filed out, and I have to find photos of Ben. Photos that show that we are a super loving and active family that does wonderful outings together. Ok, the note doesn't say the photos have to be like that, but really, after the little girl last week sent in photos of their family trip to Disneyworld, we can't b e sending in a photo of Ben at the kitchen counter. Next comes the "special things" he is supposed to bring in. "Ben, aren't your baseball trophy and your new watch your two most favorite things!?" "Yes, mom, they are." Perfect! (And here is where I am lamenting that when Scotty, the first child, was star of the week in Kindergarten, I am pretty sure that I didn't TELL him what his special things were. It is likely that I gave  him ample time to decide on his own.) So, we have the photos, the questionnaire, and the special things....we are set. "Oh, mom, here is another note...HOMEWORK FOLDER HAS BEEN MISSING FOR 2 DAYS. " Crap! Ben, where is the homework folder and why is it missing!!!? "Well, mom, I can explain that." And every ounce of my being wanted to yell, "PLEASE DO, AND QUICKLY!!!! It is time for school!!!" But he looked so thoughtful, and so sweet, and I remembered that I TOLD him what his special things were...so I said, "Yes, babe, where is the folder?" in my calmest voice. and he said, "Well, when we were cleaning up the other day, and you said to put all the things around the house that were in the wrong place into the baskets and tubs, and then we were going to put it all away...well, I stuck it in a tub, but I am not sure where that is now, and I don't really remember which tub I put it in..." We head to the foyer and it is found quickly, and as it is, he exclaims, "HERE IT IS! THIS IS IT!" We are both very excited and as he rushes to the car with his photos, and his binder, and his special things, and his homework folder, I am thinking, "I wonder what was in the other kids backpacks...?"