Perspective

So we were out with friends for dinner. Again. (Yes, 2 nights in a row, and that's quite an upset. Never happens. Kids I think are fine with it, since they get to have another "kid-oriented" dinner and a movie with the sitter). Anyway, we are having a super relaxing evening, when as it is coming to an end I hear my husband say, "We are so close to our house, you guys should come by, check out what we have done." WHAT!!! WAS!!! HE!!! THINKING!!! ? I check the time. Our sitter would still be putting kids to bed. She wouldn't have started in on the fabulous straightening up job she does each night she sits for us. (The straightening job that we are willing to pay an extra 2hrs of sitting for, so we make sure we always come home after the kids have been in bed for a while.) Perhaps when he popped home to change clothes for the dinner he managed to miss seeing the bags piled up in the mudroom from our trip a week ago, the piles of shoes that no one put back in those handy tubs I purchased for shoes, the weird smell in the mudroom from the mildewy pool towels hanging there, the piles of clean laundry needing to be folded, the taco dinner mess covering the counters in the kitchen, my desk full of paperwork to be gone through and every other little thing my kids stash on my desk, Elaina's clothing strewn all over her floor since she likes to change her clothes 12 times a day, Scotty and Jack's underwear on their bedroom floor, closet door open displaying THEIR idea of a clean closet, our bedroom with a huge suitcase on the floor full of clothes to be put away... The interesting thing was this: after our friends toured our very LIVED-IN home, they leave, I look at my husband, mortified, and say, "I can't believe you let them in our home tonight! How embarrassing." He says, "Oh, I didn't think it looked that bad, actually we are in pretty good shape." I had to nod and admit that it could have been much worse. My goodness how one's perspective changes as each child is entered into the mix. I barely can recall a time when things were tidy and straight most of the time. I do recall a time when a spur of the moment invitation didn't throw me into a cold sweat. I recall a time when I had appetizers at the ready for a "quick stop by our house." But I also recall a time when popping by our home for a bit with friends meant trying to think of topics to talk about with them and showing them a boring landscape of pretty things I collected. Oh, how funny we were, worrying about where to place what furniture or where to display a vase. Today those decisions are made for us: the furniture goes wherever it is least likely to get destroyed, yet still be of use. The vase goes....up high. And today we don't wait for the perfect moment to bring our friends by. There never is a perfect moment, so we use the moments we have, even when those moments are full of underwear on the floor and dust on the piano. Even if those moments are full of toilets that need flushed and toothpaste on the sink. And especially if those moments are full of rambunctious kids excited to see their parents who popped home early with friends for a visit. Yes, especially if those moments are full of handshakes from 11-yr-olds, "check out what I"m creating" from my 9yr old, a thrilled hug and kiss from my 6 year old, and 2 little heads popping up smiling from books with the sitter in their beds. We may not be "prepared" for guests all the time, but we've definitely grown to appreciate showing off more than a clean counter. I'm so thankful for my lived-in home, and those who live here.

Responsible, kind kids

Spent a lovely and very fun evening with adult friends last night. Was feeling it a little this morning, so slept in a bit...well, not really sleeping, more of that dosing where you can tell what's going on, but aren't really involved. So I hear my 6 year old, Elaina, downstairs making her little brothers some cereal. The older boys went to Lacrosse camp. Then I hear her putting dishes in the sink. She tries to answer the phone for me. She eventually brings me the phone and says, "Dad said I'm in charge. I'm in charge." And continues to "take charge" of the little guys even when I am up and going. So funny. I pick up my big boys from lacrosse and we need groceries badly. I really don't want to take 5 kids into Trader Joes and Omaha Steak co. So, I get cash and send in Scotty. He loves to grocery shop. I can just see him in there pushing the cart around like a little man, Getting all the necessities. He always comes out with one extra item not on the list. He just came out. Today it was saltwater taffy. Oh and he was eating a Cliff bar. What a funny little guy. My husband and I took a parenting class. The section on "making kids responsible humans" had a lot to do with letting them make their own mistakes and letting them forget their lunch or coat or homework and not bringing their items up to school for them. "Next time they won't forget.." - being the idea. I've got my own idea on this topic: Some kids are in compact little families where their responsibilities basically lie in the "remembering your own stuff" arena. Other families, more like mine, require their kids to give each other baths sometimes, grocery shop sometimes, make meals for each other sometimes, and more. For this reason, I am happy to bring my kiddos their lunches, homework etc, if I am helping them have a good day. Because they help me have good days all the time too, by doing these big responsibility laden tasks. I think it teaches them that we do things for each other to help out and to be kind. Just my take on that subject. Also I don't want to forget: -starbucks for breakfast with 3 kids still in pjs. Charlie kept saying, "my coffee."

Pretend

Ben walks through the kitchen flying a smart car. Elaina dives and splashes her fins in the ocean. Jack devours an entire building. Charlie eats me, and terrorizes other ocean dwellers. I love watching the kids pretend. I will often open the basement door to call the kids up to clean or help out in some way, and then when I hear them pretending together, I just quietly close the door and let them play a bit longer. I can't stop them from pretending. I am a little jealous of it. If I have a busy, crazy day and am in a crabby mood, it would be super to just pretend myself out of it. Like put myself on a tropical island somewhere instead of changing all the sheets on all the beds. Or put myself at the mall clothes shopping instead of at the grocery store. But even though I can't get as into pretending as the kids do, I can still use pretending to benefit me. Come to think of it, I think I actually pretend quite often. Like when I "pretend" to not hear the kids fighting, so that I don't have to intervene. Or when I "pretend" we are out of cookies, because the 2 year old has had enough. Or when I "pretend" to be asleep so the kids will get their own breakfast. So, my pretending may not seem as fun as the kids, but sometimes it still does me some good. Perhaps,I will try to use the pretending for even more good. Like when the kids are being crabby, and putting me in a bad mood, I can just pretend to be in a good mood. It seems my mood makes a big difference to the kids. And if my pretend good mood helps put them in a real good mood, then I will be having as much fun pretending as the kids do! Also I don't want to forget: -We lose our shoes all the time. I have purchased and implemented cubbies, tubs, shelves, lockers, and shoe trees. It does not matter. What is the problem!!!!!??? -Went in to check on Elaina sleeping last night. In her sleep she was hugging her new ballerina Barbie that she got for doing all her chores for a few weeks. So sweet. -Picking Scotty and Jack up from lacrosse yesterday: They were hilarious. Talked non-stop the whole way home about how hot and hard it was all morning, and how they made it through anyway, and drank all their water the first half of the morning, and "feel my shirt, that is ALL sweat!" And they weren't complaining. They were more like bragging about how they made it through the tough day. It was nice to hear them talk this way. Perhaps we have found a sport they have a little passion about.

Thank you

Two little words that make ALL the difference! I'm lying in my bed on the very verge of falling asleep when I hear my 2 yr old standing at his doorway saying, "wawer. wawer. wawer." (translation - "water.") You can't deny a child some water, so one of us, my husband or I need to get up and get the drink for him. And since we are out of dixie cups in the bathroom, that means a trip down to the kitchen. I get up. I stomp and sigh a little. I make my way downstairs and back up with a cup of water for Charlie. He has crawled back into his bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. I lean in and hand him the water and he says, "Ashu mom." (translation - "thank you mom.") Suddenly I don't feel like sighing or stomping anymore. That little thank you put me in a new frame of mind and put little grin on my face - until I got back to my bedroom where I saw my husband and remembered that he could have gotten up and gotten the water. But, then my husband says, "thanks hon." And once again I am transformed by the "thank you." I must remember this. The "thank you" is so important. I have so much to do around here today and we will be all pitching in to get it done. Perhaps the "thank yous" will get the kids motivated. Also I don't want to forget: -Charlie just put a wiffel ball in the oven. -Ben just brought me 12 cents and asked if it he had enough to buy a lego set yet. He's so damn cute, you know I am going to end up saying yes! I actually told him that a bunch of chores today may earn him what he needs to make up the difference. -yesterday at lacrosse camp pickup I find my older boys standing outside waiting for me and fighting over water, hitting each other with the lacrosse sticks and generally being fools. You know, depending on your frame of mind at that moment, a mom could say, "sheesh, boys are so crazy." and then tell them to settle down and ask how camp was. However yesterday, I was in no mood for the foolery and I doled out punishments and a lecture. They still owe me the lawn mowed, letters of apology and love to each other and they have to clean up each other's rooms. -Having just attended my brother's wedding this past weekend, some marriage tips have come to my mind that I want to remember to tell my kids, or better yet, teach them by example: 1.Say Thank you to each other often. I am not so good at this, but my husband is pretty good at it. I think because he likes when I thank him, and he wants to teach ME by example. Also he is just a kind person. 2.Go on weekly dates. We do. I like them a lot. I think it is necessary to keep the romance alive. 3.Many things are not worth the argument that they cause. Usually if one of you just stops arguing, the other will stop too. The arguments usually begin because one of you is just in a crabby mood. Wait for the mood to pass.

Wear a Cup

Mom: "You guys should wear cups to lacrosse camp. Did you wear one to lacrosse last time, Scott?" Scotty: "yes, but I don't think I needed it." Mom: "yes, you did, you guys have sticks." Jack: "Ya, and one time I was carrying a big stick and I tripped and stabbed myself right in the nuts." Aye Aye.

Bedtime

I remember when I just had one child that my neighbor who had 2 would baffle me as she let her life be run by her childrens' nap schedule and bedtime. She would say, "The Schedule, The schedule, you NEED the Schedule." I didn't get it. "where was her freedom?"I would think as my husband and I took our child on walks while he slept and out to dinner while he slept and to the movies while he slept. Then I had my second child and I got it. Freedom was getting them to sleep at the same time so that I could have a moment to myself. Freedom became getting them to nap at the same time so I could get a shower, go to the bathroom, make a phone call. And now with five it is a little of both. While on our recent vacation I was super thankful that my 2 yr old could sleep on the go and get his nap in at the waterpark while everyone else was enjoying the slides. I was thankful that since he could sleep in the car on the way to dinner, he would perk up just in time to eat. I quite appreciated his ability to climb into bed at any hour with any one of his siblings and fall asleep for the night. However we are home now, and tonight I am listening to a screaming 2 yr old who forgot about his routine of climbing into his OWN bed and just falling asleep after 2 books, some goodnight prayers and a lullaby. His brother, Jack (9), can't take it and won't stop coming into our bedroom begging to go sleep with him to quiet him. But I just know that if we back down now, tomorrow night will be even harder. (Besides, I've already gone back in there like 3 times.) Time to remember "The Schedule." However I only have like a five minute window of strength, so hopefully he quiets down in the next five minutes, or I will be sabotaging the whole thing.

The Wedding Reception

The moves! Oh the moves! The uninhibitedness of my children at their uncle's wedding reception was staggeringly wonderful! Firstly, we have my 9 year old singing a solo into the microphone "Personal Penguin" in order get the bride and groom to kiss. He did swindle a new lego set out of that deal, but my goal is to get him comfortable singing in front of a crowd so as to encourage his talent! If that costs me a couple lego sets along the way (which encourage his building ability and creativity) so be it. (See how I totally justified the bribery there?) But the dancing...now THAT was something. Charlie (2) starts it all by doing some fabulous moves to the music involving jumping, clapping and galloping. A song or two later, Ben (4) is bouncing a knee, shrugging a shoulder and nodding to the beat. Elaina sweetly twirled with her girl cousins. But my favorite entertainment for the evening was watching Scotty (11) and Jack (9) get down! Jack, so rhythmic, and cool with his collar up, shirt untucked and unbuttoned exhibited an Elvis-style performance that could not be matched. From split moves, spin moves, sliding moves, and hopping moves to air guitar, head banging, and floor sprawling, Jack was purely a joy to watch have fun. Scotty, upon seeing Jack's display, was thrust into his own rendition of purely joyful dancing with arms flailing and feet flying as he tried to keep up with Jack. What fun! By the end of the night, all my kids were drenched in sweat, and exhausted. I've been trying to think of ways to get these kids to exercise more. I think I have a new plan : )