My place in the family------------

Just received an email from Jack, (10). He is in Costa Rica with my inlaws. They are having a blast adventuring through the rainforest, the ocean, alligator swamps, volcanoes, the beach and more! Mostly I have  been communicating with my mother in law about how the trip is going, but today I received an email from my own son. He expressed how much fun he as having and then went on to say that he hopes I am "keeping it fun at home for the kids without him." He obviously really knows his place in this family as the fun seeker, the funny guy and the entertainer. Cracks me up that he is worried that we may be bored here with him gone - truth is, he is a bit correct. While the house has been quite peaceful, and a lot quieter this past week, we have also been just a little off without our thrill-finder around. Ben is not quite as rambunctious and crazy. Charlie keeps jumping and climbing on me...a pastime reserved mostly for Jack. Scotty, a child who has sworn to wanting more alone time, keeps asking to have people over to hang out with. Elaina has no one to keep her in line. We will be quite happy to  have our Jack home on Wednesday.

Part of me loves how each child takes a "spot" a "job" in the family on as their own. Jack has obviously taken on the funny guy, fun-man, making everyone laugh and taking the little ones on piggy back rides. Scotty has stolen the brainy position, always telling us facts about what we are doing or experiencing. Elaina has easily taken on the girl spot, which no one had even tried to fill. Ben has so gently become the peacemaker, the one who always goes along with the majority, the one who just finds a way for everyone to get a long. And Charlie - there is no mistaking - has taken on the CRAZY man, always trying to surprise us with his  naughty antics, laughing the whole way.

I am glad they all have found their spot if it helps them feel comfortable to have a "job' in the family. But another part of me worries that they won't reach into other parts of themselves and try something that while may not be their first "job," could be something else they are quite good at also. For instance, Jack, is a smart kid. But since Scotty has "claimed" that position, Jack often does not even try, feeling like he could never be as good at being the brain as his brother anyway. Elaina having literally fallen into her position as the girl has such a laid back disposition because of not having to really try to be anything, because she is already special by just being the girl, makes her lazy. I adore this sweet darling, but she is downright lazy. She does not have to try to impress because she is already impressive by being different from all of her siblings by just being a girl. This is not to say that she does not have many strengths. She is amazing with animals, makes friends so easily, loves to please, and has a fabulous long term memory. These things will be great for her in her life, but her more hidden strengths that she does not give much time to like reading and learning to play piano and swimming - all of which she is good at - she rarely gives her all, because she gets enough attention by just being the sweet, cute, loveable girl. I would be lying if I said I worried about Ben at all - honestly, that kid has found a way to be well-rounded, the right amount peaceful, the right amount ambitious... Now Charlie is another story. Holy cow, I just hope he doesn't get expelled from preschool. His determination to be noticed in this family, to take his place as the CRAZY man has some negative results. He is just 3, so I am assuming that the fact that he:
-spurted a mouthful of lemonade all over my friend and laughed his head off
-went up to a random group of 9 yr old girls in a coffee shop and started hitting them in their heads (they laughed - wish they would have hit him  back and taught him a lesson)
-was found this morning with a spoon in the icecream container just "having his breakfast"
-pees his pants just so he can take another shower
-somehow ends up in our bed almost every night
and more, is going to wane a bit on its own. I am just hoping that he learns that there are more productive, safer, less naughty ways to get attention in this family of 7.

Bottom line - as much as I worry and wish to help my kids always be at their best, and always feel loved and always feel their place in our family, I don't think I have a ton of control over it. Our place in the family does shape who we are. I guess as the mom, just being aware of this can help a little at keeping the kids from getting toooooo into their position in the family as the CRAZY one or the Brainy one and at helping the others explore those possibilities for themselves. So, sending a prayer out to help me help my kids not get toooo terribly stuck in their "rolls" but instead to feel free to try new ideas, new experiences and be brave enough to branch out a little as they become who they are going to  be.