The art of Begging

So, I'm at lunch with Scotty and Jack. They each got to bring a friend. I was already pretty miffed because Jack wouldn't willingly share a bit of his enormous root beer float with his mother (I took some anyway), and Scotty ordered an enormous sampler platter that ended up having ONE item on it that he liked, so was asking to order more food. This is when I hear the boys' friends chatting amongst themselves. This is what I hear them say: Friend 1 - "Did you end up getting a milk shake?" Friend 2 - "Ya." Friend 1 - "But I thought your mom said 'no.'" Friend 2 - "I just kept arguing with her about it and she ended up letting me." Friend 1 - "Ya, that's how I usually get stuff also." This is how 9 and 11 year olds think. These are nice boys with good parents. They are the kids you would choose for your kids to be friends with. And this is definitely something my own kids could say about me also. They wear me down. They do. We parents tell them that arguing with their parents is wrong, and that they need to stop doing it. But then the harder they argue the more we end up giving in. We don't mean to. We tell ourselves we won't give in, but the whining or the begging doesn't stop, and sometimes we just yell, "FINE! Go ahead!" And for some reason we think that the kids will see how upset we are, and feel guilt and either not do the thing they wanted to do, or at least feel bad about getting it that way. But, they DO NOT FEEL THAT WAY. All they are thinking is "yes, I got it! I wanted it, and mom finally said 'ok'! I knew I could get it!" And these are not horrible children to do this. I remember doing it as a child. Kids are survivors. They are trying to get what they think they need to "survive" in their little world. It is our job to teach them what they need and what they don't. But the bottom line is - it is our own fault that they argue this way and beg this way, because we are the ones who give in to them. So, after yesterday's lunch, I have been awakened to reality, and will be working harder to squelch this arguing/begging tendency my kids have acquired. My new vow: 1.-I will MEAN "no" when I SAY "no" 2.-I will not say "no" if I think there is a chance that I may end up giving in. 3.-Instead I will tell them, "I will give you an answer when I am ready to answer." Also I don't want to forget: -I don't think we will ever be able to stay at a museum long enough to suit Scotty. His dad told him he would take him alone to the Chicago Museum of Science and Industry when he turns 12, and will let him stay as long as he would like, to read every plaque in the whole museum, experience every exhibit. I'm sure the museum will have to close at some point, and Scotty will still want to learn more.