The Revalation

I think I figured something out today about one of my kids. This revelation only came about because of having a talk with a close friend (which really is a tribute to having good friends and bouncing things off of them.) My son Jack(9) has an odd habit of causing turmoil and then being the savior to the child to whom he caused the turmoil. My question was, "why does he feel he needs to cause the problem, injure the child, antagonize the little brother, scare the younger sibling etc. in order to then be super sweet and nice to them? Why can't he just do the second part and never cause the initial problem?" Then it hits me. The times Jack's dad and I have our best heart-to-hearts with Jack are after Jack has been in trouble, or has done something really naughty. In these instances my husband and I always punish and discipline first, and later when Jack is still a mess about the situation he has gotten himself into, we have a calm talk about what happened, and assure jack that we love him etc. Jack thrives on this attention and loves this one on one time. So, of course if this is the only time he gets these talks, then he will continue this pattern. Because of this pattern of: injury then apology and sweetness, he seems to have begun to think that that is THE way to get and give affection - after some strife. The REMEDY: We have decided to stop the big heart to hearts we have after the big fights etc. And instead begin having heart-to-hearts after his good days when he isn't naughty. Perhaps this seems simple enough...but finding a day to begin with when my Jack is calm and not seeking attention, so that I can have a heart to heart about his good behavior, will be a little challenging. But I am up for it! I pray that I have the heart to stick to my plan, for the betterment of my child.