Yelling

(Firstly, I am blogging instead of making dinner for my family, so I am definitely a procrastinator. And also a bit selfish I guess since the family dinner is taking back seat to my enjoyment. But, that aside I just wanted to mention that I was walking across the front of my home coming back from dropping my daughter at a friend's home, when I noticed through a front window that we have a sippy cup sitting on the inside windowsill. That probably looks slightly redneck, right? But maybe worse, is that I did not go get it right away...it is still there, and I am blogging about it.) Ok, the more pressing issue on my mind is YELLING. I do not enjoy yelling, and I have curbed it hugely since my first few years of parenting. However...........there is a time...............and there is a place......... that seems to require yelling now and then. Today it was when after patiently helping my 9 year old work on his math homework (all review, nothing new) and after patiently helping him with the same thing a second time when he carelessly made numerous mistakes, he reluctantly brought me his homework again before our family bike ride, and I realized he had not corrected any of it. So, I patiently-ish said that he and I would be staying home so he could redo his math. He flipped out! Wow, he has some passion! This amazing child fell to the floor in hysterics. This funny and passionate child wept openly and loudly and with such vigor that as tears streamed down his face, and coughs were choked from his throat, you could hear the raspy words, "you.....are....so........mean!......I'm...going...to...die.....I will die if I don't get to go!...." And for a while I sat patiently, waiting, waiting, waiting for him to stop. But it kept up for so long, and he was soooooo loud that he couldn't hear me saying things like, "Jack, this is what happens when we don't do our homework. This is the way things go when we are very careless in fourth grade..." So, as he was screaming out in psychotic blurts of anger and threats of his own death from being treated so unfairly, I could not take it any longer. "STOP IT NOW!!!!!! YOU HAVE ABOUT 2 SECONDS TO STOP THIS OR YOU CAN SPEND THE REST OF YOUR NIGHT DOING THIS UPSTAIRS AND I WILL NOT BE NEXT TO YOU. I WILL BE DOING SOMETHING I ENJOY MUCH MORE THAN THIS!!!!!!" I do not like to yell. But you know how in movies sometimes a woman is going crazy freaking out and someone slaps her face and she settles down. The yell that comes from my mouth with the "mean face" is like a slap in the face to my son and he finally just stops. I have found nothing else that causes the "stop." I've taken classes to try to stop the need for this yell. I have tried many things, but to no avail. So, he has now finished his math homework. He is joyfully making some muffins for me that I didn't have time to make myself. He is in a perfectly good mood. He is making chit-chat with me. B....I......Z......A.....R......R.......E. You know, I am recalling that every now and then in the bible Jesus yelled. He yelled when those people were selling stuff outside the temple. He sort of yelled at his disciples for falling asleep....I don't know, maybe sometimes it just needs to happen to wake somebody up. But really, I would rather not. So, alas, I am still looking for another way to snap my son out of his seemingly psychotic rage from time to time. Also I don't want to forget: -Charlie has gotten the hiccups twice today and he thinks it is hilarious. -Jack just hugged me and told me that making muffins is way better than going on a bike ride anyway......UHG! I am not a very good punisher! -Charlie keeps running up to me and saying "I luz you mom!" and so he is going to be able to do no wrong for quite a while. -Tonight I was asked by one of my kids why girls don't have penises too. I said something about God making us all different. Then he went on to tell me this,"Did you know there is a bug that is a girl that has a penis and she pees on her bug she is dating and then he licks it off?" I did not know that. -Tonight Elaina looked at her pinkiy nail and was aghast! She says very urgently, "MOM, Where did that white spot come from???!!!!!" It was just a little bruise on her nail. -Tonight Elaina made me say all her prayers through the nutcracker girl on her shelf. She insisted that I make the girl's mouth move the whole time. Also I had to make it kiss her goodnight.