Fair

I remember my mother saying "life isn't fair" to me pretty often when I was complaining that this or that was not fair, mostly about something I thought a sibling was getting that I was not getting or something that a friend's parent let them do that I did not get to do. I recall thinking that was just horrible that my mom didn't try to even-out the fairness in the situation. These days I hear a lot from my kids about things not being fair between them. "He gets to go to a friend's house all the time" or "He gets to have a friend over why can't I" or "She ate 3 pieces of candy and I only got one" or "Why can't I have a big birthday party with all my friends this year like ALL my friends do every year????" "Why? Why? Why?" "Because Life isn't fair" is a much easier, all-encompassing answer that keeps a mother from having to explain herself every single time. And the truth is, we as parents try really hard to keep things as fair as possible usually. Behind the scenes, the parents discuss who is getting what for Christmas, trying to even-out all the gifts. Parents discuss how to help each child make friends and fit in. Parents discuss who hasn't had much one on one time with their parents in a while and may need some. We do think of these things, and we do really try to be fair people. Kids do not understand the "behind the scenes" goings on, and really would likely just still try to fight their points if we tried to explain it, so "because life isn't fair" rolls off our tongues. And what a fine lesson that is too. I mean, life is NOT fair. And the kids need to learn to deal with that in their lives too. They need to eventually learn that even though their friend gets to spend the night away every weekend with friends while they stay home with the family more, that although it doesn't seem fair to them at the moment, later they may be thankful to have had some family time. Later may be when they are 35, like me, but I would say it is better than fair to be able to say you have a great relationship with your siblings and parents etc. And bottom line: In a family of seven people, stuff just can not be fair all the time. The sooner the kids learn this, and learn to deal with it within themselves, the happier we all will be. If I let every kid have a friend over every time they had a day off school, I would be watching ten kids all day, and then I would have only one thing to say, "THAT"S NOT FAIR!"