I can't hear you, I can't hear you, I can't hear you...

I'm not talking about my kids saying that phrase. It is me. I used to hear a cry from another room and I would go running in to solve the problem, mediate the fight, "discover what was fair." Boy, have things changed. these days I still hear the cry, but it is more of a background noise. And believe it or not, that background noise almost always disappears as long as I stay as far away from it as possible. I wish so badly that I had learned this gift of "letting them work it out, fight it out, solve it, on their own" when my older two were younger. It would have saved me years of yelling, stressing and general angst over my boys fighting, arguing etc. These days, there is a thing here or there to have angst about, but none of it revolves around my being involved in my kids disagreements. By my staying out of it, they have learned to stop looking for answers from me, attention from me, and help from me in their fights with eachother. About 5 minutes ago I heard a "hurt cry," you know, the one where you can just tell that there may be a mark. But, I gave it just a count of 3, because something in the cry told me that my son was looking for some attention rather than there being a serious injury. And not to my surprise there was no second wail. Somehow the boo boo caused by his playdate friend I think, went away without mom coming to the rescue. If there is blood, they will come. If there are large contusions, they will come. If there are broken bones, they will come. So, usually these days, having learned that mom only comes when actually necessary, they don't come running. "Work it out on your own" has become my motto, and since the kids know this now, they have stopped coming to me to mediate. They already know my answer. And guess what, even though I always swore that my instigating child would be "winning" all these fights without me there to back my more peaceful child, I was absolutely wrong. He won for a while, but eventually they have seemed to even it out on their own. If you have young children, I challenge you to start this "I can't hear you" attitude NOW. You will be saving yourself years of heartache and yelling!