Saying Sorry

Its amazing what a little apology will do. For instance, if the woman who rudely zipped by on her ride-on cart at Target and RAN INTO my 5 year old today had said she was sorry, instead of shaking her head at my son, I would not have such ill feelings toward her right now. If my 9 year old son's apology that I insisted he give his sister after he yelled at her and made her cry today, had been heartfelt at ALL, it would have stopped his sisters' tears. But instead that large woman zipped by shaking her head, and instead my 9 year old mouthed a barely half-hearted apology. And because of these, anti-apologies, people's days were not as happy as they could have been. It is amazing the power we have when we apologize. We seem to perceive it to be a weakness in our society to apologize, but it is just the opposite. When my kids are acting up because they don't get to have the dinner they want, or the play-date they want right when they want it, if I begin my response with a heartfelt "I'm sorry that my plan is not the same as your plan" or "I'm sorry this makes you feel that way" and then explain my plan, my kids seem to take the situation a bit better. I think it is when my kids feel that I just don't care about their feelings and that is why I made the choice I've made, that they are the most rebellious and angry when they don't get their way. If I can let them know with an "I'm sorry" that while we still need to do things mom's way, I do care about how they feel, and I'm not trying to ruin their day before I lay out my not so-thrilling-to-them plan, then why not. I DO generally feel bad that for instance, the little ones have to be drug around to a bunch of practices and meetings, and I do generally feel bad for the big kids sometimes that they can't see their friends as much as I used to get to do as a kid. So, why not let them know how I feel, rather than making them feel like I don't care. When they feel that I care, they seem more compliant and less rebellious. I was able to stave off a huge fight with my son the other day when he discovered he would be at a family wedding instead of the opening of Harry Potter with his best friend, by beginning with an apology for him having to miss it. The power of the heartfelt apology at the right time can move mountains! And the bonus: My kids are starting to apologize more readily on their own when they see that I am upset about something they have done. Admitedly, I say things like "Don't worry about this mess all over the bathroom, your mother the slave will get it" and "Don't worry about this mess on the kitchen table, I'll just take care of it while you play" in order to instill the guilt.